Composure
by silverbird6
Summary: A brief character study of Captain America throughout all three MCU movies.


**Okay, so this started out as a Steve Rogers character study, then morphed into a kind-of free verse poem? I apologize if I break poetry rules here, it was just the easiest format for this.**

 **This is a character study that spans all three Captain America movies, so if you haven't seen them, careful for some mild spoilers.**

* * *

Steve Rogers was a scrawny kid,

Sick more than healthy

But full of warmth, of love.

He saw the dreary world of the Depression in color

After all, he had Bucky and his mother

What else could he hope for? 

But then his mother was gone, on a cold dreary day

Bucky was there, but his world faded to grey.

Color was now the enemy, confusing his once simple life.

Fighting bullies in the alleys because no one else would

He had to honor his mother, do what was right

So when no one else turned, he picked up the fight.

Gathered his composure, kept feeding the light. 

Then came the war, and he wanted to help

Honor his mother and father

But he was too sick and scrawny,

No use in a war, but why couldn't they understand

He was already in the fight, just on a different battlefield. 

Bucky enlisted, and his last friend left,

Life fading from grey to black and white;

The man who loved peace was being sent to _his_ fight.

He couldn't sit out, _needed_ this, why couldn't they understand

He had to fight the bullies, to make his stand

End the war, maybe then the color would return.

So he tried and failed and tried and failed and tried again

Until he was chosen, astonishingly.

Finally someone had noticed

He was already in the war, needed the fight. 

He was laughed at and teased, but it had no effect

Knowing who he was and why he was there.

Surprisingly, a dame was the next to understand

She too had been fighting long before the war.

Both of them had to work to hold their composure

But together they could take on the world.

So he trained and persevered through the painful procedure

Came out feeling different, yet the same.

Only difference was, with his added muscle and height

He could finally finish the fight. 

Then they sent him on tour, a dancing monkey

He was making a difference, but was feeding the monster

That was slowly growing, though he had a feeling

It had only been hiding, never disappeared.

Where the world in color wasn't joy, but an excuse

No right and wrong anymore, just confused. 

Then Bucky was MIA and his composure cracked

He couldn't pull it back together, until Peggy found him

And gently reminded him why he was here.

It wasn't to join the circus, or feed the monster.

He had a fight to finish, a battle to wage.

So he wrapped his composure around him

And jumped out of the plane

Into the war. 

Found Bucky, kind-of alive, but no longer peaceful.

Gathered a team of the best misfits ever to live.

The Howling Commandos, what an adpt name

They were wolves in a pack,

Drawn to the Alpha's composure

And howling against the world.

They crushed Hydra, making serious headway

But the world had a few tricks left up it's sleeve.

A train in the winter, a long fall. 

His composure was almost gone, but Peggy held him together.

The commandos prepared for the final mission,

Ending the fight, he thought naively.

Like the fight would ever end, as he flew through the sky

Then fell through the air to the ocean floor.

The water was crushing, holding him together

Encasing him in ice, sealing the cracks in his composure. 

Then suddenly, the world was in color again

Quickly faded to black and white, when he realized

He was home, but he wasn't,

Because his home was dead, gone and left him in the cold

6 men and one woman, in a day 50 years old. 

Yesterday he was 20 and today he was 90

Time wasn't supposed to move like that.

But there was nothing to do but keep moving

Don't stop to dwell on the past

The past that yesterday was the present. 

The war was over, but the fight was just beginning

The SSR might be gone but SHIELD wasn't

Like the good soldier he was, he jumped back in

No rest for the wicked, no salvation in sight,

Just pick up the pieces and join the good fight. 

His composure broke a little bit more when Fury found him

Punching away at that old musty bag,

Recruited him (like he wasn't already invested) to join a team.

He almost refused, he had been on the dream team before.

He didn't need anyone else, didn't want the chance to fail them.

But Cap, ever the perfect soldier, he agreed,

And spent the next week fighting his team and aliens. 

He knew he should have tried harder to play nice

But his teammates weren't making it easy.

As the good doctor said, they were a timebomb,

A chemical mixture that breeds chaos.

But out of the chaos came the first ray of light

Backup, people who understood the fight. 

But then they left, went their own separate ways

SHIELD became his life, but he was stronger

His composure was set. Rumlow, Romanoff

They may not have been friends, but they understood.

They kept his mind off the past and pushed him into the future

And slowly reassembled his composure. 

But the future came too quickly,

There were no baby steps, no gradual fade.

The world came crashing down like a poorly made facade.

His family, his home, his SHIELD

Was one day his strength, the next day his grave.

On that elevator, his composure was cracked

A large fissure that almost sent him reeling.

But then he remembered Fury's last wish

So it was duty, not self preservation, that sent him running. 

Until Natasha, the perfect spy

Came pushing and shoving into the fight.

She forcefully cemented his composure back together

At least one person to protect, worth saving.

And that was the only thing that kept him moving

As he found out his death was all for nothing. 

But that wasn't the push that made him finally crack.

As he told Nat and Sam, he liked to know who he was fighting.

The world was suddenly black and white again

None of these confusing colors.

SHIELD was Hydra, Hydra was bad,

Captain America fought Hydra, he was good, he was needed.

So he followed the breadcrumbs to the witch's house. 

But the witch wasn't really a witch,

And the world grew colorful again

Because the Winter Soldier

Was his childhood friend, who kept him fighting

All those years ago

It was time to return the favor, so off to the fight he goes. 

Yeah his composure cracked, but Nat and Sam were there

And he had a chance, to end the fight and get his friend.

Long odds, he knew, but that's where he operated best.

The scrawny kid, fighting bullies in the alley.

He knew how to handle this, so he mustered his team

And tore down the helicarriers, piece by piece.

He lost some blood and skin along the way, but it was okay.

He would heal, and he had no problem giving his life for the fight

He had done it before, and he sunk again through the water,

To the ocean floor. 

But this time he had help, Bucky was there.

It may have only been for seconds, but that was enough.

Enough to keep him living, to give him something to fight for.

And the Avengers Assembled, together again.

More banter than fighting, sending Hydra to their end.

They found the children, the staff, then Ultron.

The trust he had formed started unraveling, but they pulled together in the end;

And most of the team stayed together again

Chasing leads and hunting terrorists. He was back in the fight,

Operating in his comfortable black and white. 

Then came Lagos, and the world fell apart

He was so focused on the fight that he forgot

The world didn't see in black and white anymore.

And the accords came beating down on his team.

He was tempted, he was a soldier after all, these were orders.

But then he remembered SHIELD

And he wanted to decide who the villains were for himself

Thank you very much. But Tony was pushing,

He could feel the fight brewing, a maelstrom of color

Overriding his now comfortable black and white life. 

The text, Peggy, the last piece of his past was gone

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad

If the rest of his life wasn't falling to pieces.

But his composure held steady, as Sam watched his back

Until the bombing and Bucky. 

He knew he was leaving the black and the white

For the world of dizzying color.

But this was Bucky, he was worth the fight.

Heck, he had been arrested before, and he was right then, he was right now.

Yes, his vision was clouded, but that didn't mean he was wrong.

But Tony, his friend, couldn't understand

And he couldn't understand him, they were just that way.

Tony thrived in the color while Cap was the black and white.

So when Bucky needed help, he didn't hesitate. 

After the airport, his team was down

But he was strengthened by their loyalty

And he had Bucky back now.

He would get them, he promised,

They would never have to be alone

Never have to fight, never taste war again.

But now he was in the fight, his composure was set.

So off to Siberia they flew, toward the fight,

But not the one they expected. 

Then Tony was there, and it wasn't perfect, but good

Everything would be okay, the black and white would return.

Then Zemo and Howard and a car crash at night.

And the world

Came

Falling

Down 

All he knew was that Bucky was in trouble

He had to watch his back.

Make up for failing him, for pausing the fight.

And Tony was in the way, his friend, his team.

But there was no reasoning now;

Tony's world had finally gone black and white

And Cap's was suddenly full of color, but it was no longer dizzying

He just focused on the fight, until he saw Bucky fall. 

Tony once said that Cap didn't have a dark side

Oh boy was he wrong, as his composure finally cracked

Everything from the last few years came pouring out.

But instead of tears, there were only punches,

And kicks, and the clanging of a shield.

Because he was no longer the shield, he was on the offensive

To save his new world, his broken world, he had to let go of the fight,

Submit to the world of color, where friends fought friends for friends.

And as his composure shattered and he broke his best friend,

Tony finally saw the darkness Cap had hid

It tumbled out into the daylight,

Leaking darkness and color, mixing into grey. 

And as he crushed Iron Man's heart,

Turning his world upside down.

He finally found peace, how ironic was that?

He had done what was right, but fell into the color.

Lost his composure, but had gained another.

He knew that he was sorry, for how everything ended

But he did _his_ right thing, and that was what mattered.

So dragging Bucky to his feet

Knowing he had promises to keep,

Hearing Tony's angry chatter,

He let go of the fight with a clatter. 

Captain America was dead, he knew that with certainty.

After all, the fight was over, he'd won the war.

He wasn't the shield the world needed anymore,

But that didn't bother him very much.

His mother was honored, Bucky was saved.

And the world, well, he would do what he could

But while Captain America couldn't move on,

Steve Rogers finally would.


End file.
